Broken and spilled out

Macee has been not herself lately. We have noticed some weight loss and she has fallen down our stairs. Last night we got in from Chattanooga and found her at the back door. In the same way a mommy knows her kids, I know my dogs. She looked at me right in the eyes and spoke to my heart...it is bad, I am done. Husband and I loved on her all night. We cried fearing about the next day. I wanted to go alone with my dog to the vet. Preliminary diagnosis is enlarged heart, enlarged spleen, fluid around all organs, a mass pressing all organs to one side, 5 indicators of leukemia in her blood results. We will be taken her to a specialist at 4:30 today to discuss a diagnosis and options.
We just sat the kids down and explained what was wrong with Macee. The kids are upset. Son said, he did not want me to take her to die. I am for once speechless.


What I do know is these paws have pawed me into more belly rubs. Husband taught these paws to shake and sit and stay and go get. Macee was our first dog together. I had Sandy before Macee. Macee came to us with a broken hip, broken tail, infested with a bacterial infection and a droopy eyelid. She has survived 6 surgeries. A total hip, spade, eyelid surgery, a tumor removal, another leg surgery, and tail amputation. She has given us so much more then the amount of money we have spent on her.
She was here when I brought my two babies home from the hospital. She loved them immediately. I used to find her in son's nursery laying beside his crib. I would try to get her to leave and she would pretend she couldn't hear me. My kids learned to walk by holding on to her. She has licked my tears on too many occasions and knows all my heartaches and worries. We have taken her on so many trips. She loves the beach and the river. If you have never had a lab... you will never truly know the temperament of this dog. I talked to sister on the way to the vet this morning and she said, "Wow how patient that dog has been." There was never anything we or kids could do to make her angry. She was only aggressive twice since I had her. Once a man jumped my privacy fence to bury the cable. He was carrying a shovel and Macee had him pinned in the corner. I had not told her someone was coming (I did not Know) and she sensed my fear. The other time was in Auburn as we were on a walk and a creepy man came from no where and tried to catch up with me and her. She let him know he wasn't getting close to me.

We are about to load up for a drive I don't think I am ready to make. But God is here. I couldn't sleep last night and I got up at 6:45 to run. I hit shuffle on my Ipod and the first song that started playing was Bring the Rain by MercyMe. And the tears started coming . . . they have really never stopped. I do not want her to suffer and I want this to be a peaceful experience for her. I am most concerned about son...he calls her friend. I call her mine....