Sunday, March 13, 2011

Coming Up For Air

Can you tell I started a full time job?

Life has been coming at us at 100 mph. We have seen God move in some pretty remarkable ways this year. We have faced pain and heartache. We have struggled. We have had blessings beyond measure. We have loved and we have laughed.

May 22, 2010 I fall breaking my ankle so bad it is hanging off my leg. I remember looking up at the clouds and saying, "Really?" Really. It has been a long and painful 10 months. I have come to live through chronic pain. At times I thought I was losing my mind or I was crazy. In December of this past year, a CAT scan confirmed I had chipped bone in the ankle joint. The screws were so tight in the tibia that it was splintering the bone. I prayed God would open the door for a new doctor to take on my case. After several "No's" and closed doors, I got a phone call from a doctor (We will call him Ankle Guy) stating he would take on my case.

Ankle Guy could not believe I walked around on a daily basis without tears. Not only did he see the chipped bone but there was severe cartlidge damage, scar tissue, and the tibia and fibia were not put back together. The tibia and the fibia are the two bones that are connected at the base of your leg. My two bones are separate. Ankle Guy sated I needed immediate hard ware removal and scope to clean up the ankle. Ankle guy felt I would need a bone fusion down the road in a few years to fix the tibia and fibia but he would know more after he operated.

I had surgery this past Friday. Ankle guy removed all the hardware which my crazy husband was allowed to keep. Ankle guy was able to remove the chipped bone and feels like I will feel some what better with this surgery. Ankle guy also discovered that arthritis has already set in the ankle. The tibia and fibia are farther aprat then they were in February. I will need a bone fusion this summer. I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach.

Bone fusion means hospital stay, hard cast for 4-6 weeks, boot, recovery....
I see a repeat of last summer.
Yesterday, I laid in bed and let the enemy tell me how bad it will be. I cried until I had no more tears. I had friends come and pray over me. I had friends call and pray with me. I listened to the enemy as he told me about no showers, no driving, no swimming with my kids, and pain...more pain. I wallowed in self doubt. I listened to lies.

Today, I pull myself out of my bed. I use a walker to make it to the kitchen. I get my own ice pack out of the refrigerator. I kiss my son good morning and he helps me fix breakfast. I put my foot on the ground a try a little weight. The pain comes. I think about the pain of my sin on Jesus. I walk another step.

I have a God who loves me. John 3:16
A risen Savior who has overcome the world. John 16:33
I feel like I am coming up for air. 2 Cor. 4:8-9

2 comments:

Amy Leigh said...

I am so sorry you are in pain. I love you more than Auburn football.

Amy said...

Hi there, I recently had Fusion done after my ankle didn't heal from an injury last year and if you would like to talk about it and vent feel free to email me,Amy.