Monday, March 14, 2011

Sorrow and Hope

You keep track of all my sorrows;
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8

Let me first say I am thankful for a God who collects my tears. At times when words can not console and nothing seems to make the pain stop, knowing I have a God who keeps track of all my sorrows provides a peace that surpasses all understaning.

I went in today because my ankle needed to be re-wrapped to 90 degrees. I have been able to put weight on the ankle and walk around yesterday and today. I was on a high from that accomplishment. I met with the P.A. who assisted in my surgery only to be given the "reality" of my situation.
The facts:
1. Bone fusion will have to happen in the immediate future due to arthritis and how the bones are growing farther apart.
2. I will permantly walk with a limp
3. I will permatly loose left to right mobility of the ankle
4. Next surgery will have a mandatory 3-4 day hospital stay
5. 8 weeks of a hard cast
6. 4-6 weeks in a boot
7. Physical therapy

If I could have run out of that office I would have...but I can't run. I can't walk fast. I have been chosen to carry this battle. I have been chosen. This summer husband and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. We have a trip planned with kids in June. In July we had hoped to celebrate with a trip and recently decided we would spend that trip on a Mission trip. We had made plans to get our passports and start asking God where He wanted to send us. God chose to overwrite our plans for His plans. I know many people that read these words may not be saved. I know many people that read these words may question why a God who loves me choose pain for me.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.

I believe Romans 8:28. I believe something that is hard and painful can be turned into good for His glory. I believe through my tears and pain, God will use my suffering. My reward as a Christ follower is eternity. So today, I feel like I can't breath. Fear of the pain and trail that lay before me almost take me over but I still have hope is in the Lord.

Revelations 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.


Tricia said...

Marsha... I am so sorry... I am crying tears with you as I write this... I am praying for you dear one...

God is bigger than the doctors, nothing is impossible with Him... His will will be done and He will give you the grace to walk it, whatever it is...

I am so thankful for your faith, I am thankful you have Him to cling to, and that you choose to cling to Him... He will not fail you... and I pray that as you walk through today and the days ahead that He would hold you in the palm of His hand, just as He held me through some of the hardest days of my life... just lay there and rest in Him...

Love and Blessings...

JustBrantley said...

Marsha ~ I have been following your issues with that ankle. As a mother of a few of your high school mates, you may not remember my walking with a brace. After several knee surgeries with the best of surgeons, I walk with a limp and will forever. Limited mobility, it changes things, but it won't change who you are (cherished wife, mother, daughter, sister) and your attitude, your faith. I know your family and their values, what a wonderful support system! To be so active with young children and so many plans must seem daunting, but you are an admirable young woman. Regardless of the outcome with future surgeries, you have an approachable, humorous and contagious spirit, the ability to connect and an opportunity to forever change peoples lives. Keep praying, keep sharing your miracles, and above all, keep writing. Its good for the soul! Good luck, sweetie. LUV

jcnc4bama said...

Marsha,Heard about your news earlier today. I know your heart is breaking, as mine is for you. One of my favorite songs has words that have helped me so many times...God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind, so when you don't understand, when you don't see his plan, when you can't trace his hand...TRUST HIS HEART! I love you, Cheryl

Jamie said...

I am constantly praying for you, Marsha. I feel so encouraged by your outlook. I know you must feel limited, but it seems pretty clear that God is moving you toward the limitless purposes He has laid out for you to fulfill.
I find myself drawn to your circumstances. Watching you consistently turn in over to God is a testimony. I only hope, faced with tough circumstances, I would be able to do the same.

PS Have I mentioned that you have a talent for writing?