thirty-seven

I will turn thirty-seven today at a ballpark. 

I have not been looking forward to this birthday and in fact I have been dreading it. 37. It doesn't even look nice.  It is a prime number which makes it sad and makes my husband happy. Maybe the real reason it scares me is because it is sptting distance to 40. Despite my social media life this has been a growing year. I learned hard lessons about saying no, saying I can't and saying goodbye. 

I am not the same momma or wife I was in my twenties. I don't feel the need for girls night out. I am content on Friday night with my family doing nothing. I don't feel the need to clean it all up.  I have even let my daughter have a craft room where she is free to create. Every now and then I require that I can see the floor. My son eats Oreos on his bed and my thirty something self is okay with it. 

I lost one of my closest friends to the mission field this year. It has probably changed me the most. Internet barely happens to let us communicate and I am learning why Paul wrote all those letters. I keep a lump in my throat and long to hear her voice on occasion. My closest friend list is smaller. I still over use my data package on my cellphone and I would still rather talk to people than text them. I like to hear their voice. 

This is also the year I became the talked about travel ball mom. Despite the fifty articles you have read about travel ball and the friends you know that are crazy with it...half of that is true. I have enjoyed long car rides with my children locked in a car and talking without wifi. I have put bible verses in bat bags, had devotionals in the car and prayed for their witness opportunity. Whatever adventure my kids go on and I hope there are so many more, I will be their biggest fan. I have sat on a soccer field, a tennis court, at a dance recital, a gymnastic class, a basketball court and a football field and cheered most of the time louder than they would like. They know when they look in the stands we will be there. 

I have stopped using the word blessed. I have seen the people that the bible calls blessed and it is not me. God didn't give my a comfortable life so I can call myself blessed, no that makes me burdened. Burdened to go back to the mission field. Burdened to give more away than keep. Burdened to love the unloveable. I am not blessed to turn thirty-seven, I am just grateful.